Sunday, July 29, 2012

The Hidden Wound of Rejection

Acts 20:1 (The Message Bible)
With things back to normal, Paul called the disciples together and encouraged them to keep up the good work in Ephesus. Then, saying his good-byes, he left for Macedonia. Traveling through the country, passing from one gathering to another, he gave constant encouragement,
 lifting their spirits and charging them with fresh hope.

     I don’t know of any one who has not faced rejection at one time or another in their lives, it is in fact a part of living in this world and in being in relationship with other human beings.  However, there those who have experienced rejection over and over again, or from key persons in their lives, such as parents, spouses, authority figures, etc…, and the end result is they have been left wounded.

     I’d like to share a bit about the Hidden Wound of Rejection on today, define a few terms, and provide some revelation on Healing as it relates to this Wound.

Rejection:  Refusal, spurning, dismissal, elimination.  To throw out as useless or worthless; discard.  Something rejected as imperfect, unsatisfactory, or useless

Here are some of the symptoms, or the “fruit” of Rejection

Negative attitudes and spoken words
Feeling of not being loved or accepted by others

     Those dealing with the Wound of Rejection, have a tendency to reject others, so that they aren't the first one to be rejected.  They often spend an inordinate amount of time wondering whether or not a person rejects or accepts them.  They may also display an inability to be corrected or receive constructive criticism. Rejection often creates an environment where you are starved for love or just don't fit in.  Rejection can destroy our self-esteem, and attack who we are and our purpose in life.  It is a Destiny Destroyer!

     So, how do we confront this spirit of Rejection in operation in our lives?  Well, the root of rejection lies within misplaced identity. As children of the most high God, we must never base our identity on what someone else thinks of us or anything else, other than what God's Word has to say about us. When we do, we make ourselves vulnerable to the damage of rejection.

     In my life, as I struggled to really understand who I was in Christ, and how much He loved me, I was led to the book of Ephesians.  Let me share with you how I read those scriptures then, and continue to do so from time to time.  For me, they were a great first step and led me to a place of healing that was much needed.

     First and foremost, answer the question honestly, “Do I love Myself?”  If your answer is anything but a resounding YES!!! Begin by meditating on the scripture Leviticus 19:18 (The Message Bible)

"Don't seek revenge or carry a grudge against any of your people. "Love your neighbor as yourself.   I am God.”

It is important to recognize that how you feel about yourself, affects how you feel about, relate to, and treat others in your life.  Consequently, until you have a healthy love for God and for yourself, you are unable to give or receive healthy love to/from others.  Next go to Ephesians 1:3-12, and Ephesians 2:1-8.  Read these scriptures aloud, and perform the following word replacements:

Everywhere you see the words Our, Us, We, You, or Ye, replace them with the words My, Me, or I.  In other words, make these scriptures personal.  Here is an example. Ephesians 1:3:3 would read,

“Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ who hath blessed ME (us) with all spiritual blessings in heavenly places.”

     We must be assured of how much God Loves us, and how once saved, we have been adopted into His Kingdom family.  Fully receiving His unconditional love, means fully accepting what He says about us.  How Blessed we are, How Special we are to Him, How we are heir’s and joint heir’s alongside Jesus Christ.  You should do this often, and open yourself up to receive Gods unconditional love and acceptance.  It is like a breath of fresh air!

     Last, but not least, to those who through their words or their actions may have subjected others, or cast upon others a spirit of rejection.  I speak to you especially, because I believe that when we continually speak over others, causing pain and harm, it is because we are speaking through or out of our own unresolved pain.  If this is you, I would like to challenge you to practice something I call the Ministry of Encouragement.

  1Thessalonians 5:11 “So speak encouraging words to one another.  Build up hope so you'll all be together in this, no one left out, no one left behind.  I know you're already doing this; just keep on doing it.”

     In short, the Ministry of Encouragement is “Giving to others, the very thing that you need.”  It is realizing that a single Encouraging word has the power to change the atmosphere.  An Encouraging word can connect with the promises of God and the desires deep within our heart.  Sometimes, it is not even a word; it may just be a Warm Embrace.  You know, a Hug!  A sincere hug can turn disappointment into hope, and restore confidence and determination.

     Truly there is enough Healing in the Hem of Jesus’ garment, to bring us all to a place of wholeness and restoration.  As we complete this series of teachings on Hidden Wounds, I pray that you all have been Encouraged to confront those things that need to be confronted in your personal lives, so that you can move forward.  I know that I have been encouraged, as well as challenged over the past month or so as I have been writing them.  Yet in still, it is all about stepping out on Faith to fully receive everything that God has for us!  Amen…  We are Moving Forward!

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Wednesday, July 11, 2012

Healing Hidden Wounds: The Art of Confrontation

Greetings. I pray that you all are well today!  As promised, our teaching for this week has been written by a dear sister of mine, Ms. Candee' Winfield, owner of Suddenly Professional Counseling and Consulting
The information she has provided is priceless, I won't add anything to it, or take anything from it.
Be Blessed!  Victoria

The Art of Confrontation!
How many times have you walked away from someone saying to yourself; why didn’t I say something” “speak up”, or more correctly, honor myself. Yes, honor yourself. Speaking the truth, acknowledging your feelings, and being your own best advocate is not a bad thing. Contrary to the belief that being a “good Christian” is somehow equated with allowing people to mistreat you, to violate your boundaries, or silence you by not speaking up for yourself is a fallacy. Learning the art and skill of assertiveness and boundary setting can go a long way in having and maintaining healthy relationships. They are necessary effective communication skills.

I often hear people say I don’t like confrontation or I don’t like to argue, so rather than staying engaged in the dialogue they become silent not expressing their thoughts or feelings. This passive behavior allows the one they’re communicating with to come to their own conclusions without their input. This can easily occur if one person is more assertive or aggressive in their style of communication.

So let’s begin by identifying 4 styles of communication:

· Passive

· Aggressive

· Passive –Aggressive

· Assertive

The Passive person communicates indirectly. They usually do not address problems with others and do not speak up for themselves.

An Aggressive communicator is threatening and can be verbally or physically abusive towards others. They are often bossy, intimidating, domineering, loud and sarcastic.

A Passive-Aggressive person does not address problems directly, but tries to get back at people in a way that will hurt them without drawing too much attention to themselves. They often use manipulation and are dishonest about their feelings. They will engage in tit-for-tat behaviors.

And finally, an Assertive person will communicate very clearly. They know their rights and are respectful of others. Their communication is direct and honest.

Of the 4 styles it’s apparent the Assertive style is the most desirable. This style allows one to take responsibility for their own feelings and not blame the other person for “making” them feel a certain way. When we blame, it shuts down effective communication. The other person usually becomes defensive, and the communication can move to being about winning rather than effectively hearing each other and coming to a mutual resolution.

So the goal is to be able to communicate how another person’s behavior or actions are affecting you without placing blame. In order to do that, there is a simple formula that can be followed. The premise-avoid using “you” statements. So following these basic steps:

Step 1
I feel_______________,

When you____________________,

I want____________________.

When you express how you feel in step 1, you are going to describe the feeling you are experiencing, i.e, happy, sad, angry, frustrated, betrayed, disappointed, etc. Be very specific and descriptive, avoid generalizations and vague unclear statements. Here are a few examples:

The wrong way 
 I feel…     Like you hate me

The right way
I feel… angry, upset and intimidated

The wrong way 
 I feel…     Like you’re trying to make me upset

The right way
I feel…  belittled and humiliated

The wrong way 
 I feel…  Like you want me to leave

The right way
I feel…  hurt and confused

The wrong way 
 I feel…     Like you’re using me

The right way
I feel… unappreciated and taken advantage of

Use “I” statements rather than “you” statements. By stating your feelings out loud you are affirming and acknowledging your feelings and that you have a right to those feelings. Finish with a statement of what you would like to happen, the change you desire. When you learn to communicate assertively, you learn to set boundaries with “grace and dignity” a phrase one of my favorite mentors would often use. Be encouraged, you can make a change in this area of your life.  Remember, “A soft answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger. Proverbs 15:1.

The Counselor,

Friday, July 6, 2012

Join Queens of the Kingdom Ministries on Atlanta Live, TV 57 (Comcast Channel 2)
Friday Night, July 6, 2012 at 7pm.

Greetings Children of God!
I must begin by saying Thank You.  Your e-mail, comments on Facebook, and personal messages encourage me as you share your testimonies of what God is doing in your life through Queens of the Kingdom Ministries and Wisdom from the Queens Throne!  Our lives are a journey, and as long as we are alive, God gives us a chance to learn, to grow, to get some things “right” with Him.  Through this, we are equipped and perfected in Him for the work of the Kingdom of God.

I am equally grateful for the women that joined me this past Saturday for the Kick Off Meeting of Queens of the Kingdom Ministries – The Midwife Experience.  Your phone calls have let us know that each of you gained invaluable knowledge and insight that you may use as tools to move you forward on your Destiny journey.  If you missed last weeks meeting, no worries, we will come together again on July 21, 2012.  Click here, for more information.  For future reference, we will meet the third Saturday of each month.

I will be taking a break this week, and returning next week with an awesome teaching from a dear friend and sister of mine, Ms. Candee' Winfield, owner of Suddenly Professional Counseling and Consulting.  Several requests have come in from many of you desiring to learn more about appropriately "confronting" people and situations.  This past Saturday as we ministered concerning the spirit of Fear, we could not have done so adequately without teaching how to Confront it as well.   Being able to recognize something is not quite right, is only the first step.  Proper equipping, enables us then to address or confront, what is not right therefore overcoming its effects on our lives.  This information was so well received, I thought it would be good to share with everyone, and to elaborate a bit further.  Ms. Winfield, who is first and foremost a Believer, and then secondly, a Licensed Professional Counselor, will share with us some practical strategies for confronting people and/or situations.  I look forward to reading what she will share, and hearing back from many of you; your thoughts and comments.  After her message, we will continue with our 8 week study on Hidden Wounds!

Have a wonderful and safe weekend, and we will talk early next week.

Victoria L. Burse - Founder
Queens of The Kingdom Inc.

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Our Mission: Joshua 1:14 - 15
14...but ye shall pass before your brethren armed, all the mighty men of valor, and help them. 15 Until the Lord have given your brethren rest, as he hath given you, and they also have possessed the land which the Lord your God giveth them.